Can I confess something?
Course I can...it's my blog (and by the way, thanks for reading!)
I struggle with being "enough"
Specifically with being "good enough"
No where is that more evident than in my parenting. It's a reality that I'm not "enough" in this situation. I'm not enough to be a Mom and a Dad. I never have enough money, enough time, enough energy, enough patience, enough insight, enough of whatever it would take to fix all of my children's problems, strong holds and fears with a wave of my hand.
The worse thing anyone can do is suggest I'm not a good parent. And sometimes, someone might say something and not even realize what they said I translated as "you aren't enough"
It happened recently. Someone I know was offering me the chance to sale this product and while they were talking they made the comment that this would enable me to take better care of my children financially. There it was...I don't take good enough care of my children. It's true...we struggle financially. And we struggle more financially because I choose to work for non-profits than we would if I got a job in a business/corporation or even if I'd kept my job at the State. I've struggled with this before...does my need to have a job I find fulfilling matter more than my ability to provide financially for Embree and Trey? You could make the point (and Bree and Trey have, so you know) that because I love what I do, because it makes such an impact, then I am happier and thus a better person and parent. You could point out that God has always met our needs. But I've wrestled with the question and now, here someone was, pointing it out. We live paycheck to paycheck because of my choice.
Christmas Eve we are at church and there is video. It's a father and son talking about giving. The son says to the father "It's not often a guy can say the most generous guy he knows is his dad" Bree and Trey look at me and my first thing is "they are thinking of their dad". I immediately went into guilt mode. But I was wrong. They were thinking of me. They were thinking their Mom was the most generous person they know. They were proud of me. To them, I am a good Mom. I'm enough.
Cindy - I was thinking about this post this morning. Two different issues - first about being a good enough mom. None of us parents are ever good enough, we are just what we are. What our children do or don't do eventually has to do with their own decisions. Your children love you and you are loving and that is more than what many children receive (sadly). Are they affected by some of your decisions - sure. That doesn't in itself make you a bad mom.
ReplyDeleteAs for your statement of living paycheck to paycheck because of your choice. I do disagree with you there. There are many instances of people being financially wealthy (and therefore able to give more) living on a tiny income. It's how we manage our money that counts. You can change that situation without changing your job. I love Dave Ramsey's plan (and it's free!). He calls is financial peace for a reason.
But I do want to stress that I think there are two issues here - one is parenting, the other is finances. Financial wealth doesn't make one a great parent. Your children may not have all the latest electronic gadgets, but they are clothed, fed, and sheltered.
I think you're a great mom (not that what I think counts!). I think Trey and Embree would agree with me.
Love you all, Dianne
Dave Ramsey is awesome! The entire OM USA team did his FPU a couple of years ago. I'm debt free...it's the making the outgoing and incoming balance that I meant. On the other hand, we're incredibly good at doing things for cheap or free so it's not like they are missing ton. But it meant a lot for you to say I'm a good Mom. Thanks!
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