Can I confess something?
Course I can...it's my blog (and by the way, thanks for reading!)
I struggle with being "enough"
Specifically with being "good enough"
No where is that more evident than in my parenting. It's a reality that I'm not "enough" in this situation. I'm not enough to be a Mom and a Dad. I never have enough money, enough time, enough energy, enough patience, enough insight, enough of whatever it would take to fix all of my children's problems, strong holds and fears with a wave of my hand.
The worse thing anyone can do is suggest I'm not a good parent. And sometimes, someone might say something and not even realize what they said I translated as "you aren't enough"
It happened recently. Someone I know was offering me the chance to sale this product and while they were talking they made the comment that this would enable me to take better care of my children financially. There it was...I don't take good enough care of my children. It's true...we struggle financially. And we struggle more financially because I choose to work for non-profits than we would if I got a job in a business/corporation or even if I'd kept my job at the State. I've struggled with this before...does my need to have a job I find fulfilling matter more than my ability to provide financially for Embree and Trey? You could make the point (and Bree and Trey have, so you know) that because I love what I do, because it makes such an impact, then I am happier and thus a better person and parent. You could point out that God has always met our needs. But I've wrestled with the question and now, here someone was, pointing it out. We live paycheck to paycheck because of my choice.
Christmas Eve we are at church and there is video. It's a father and son talking about giving. The son says to the father "It's not often a guy can say the most generous guy he knows is his dad" Bree and Trey look at me and my first thing is "they are thinking of their dad". I immediately went into guilt mode. But I was wrong. They were thinking of me. They were thinking their Mom was the most generous person they know. They were proud of me. To them, I am a good Mom. I'm enough.