Thursday, February 21, 2013

Dear Dad

Dear Dad,
Where has this year gone. This time last year we were at the hospital, faced with the truth...believing for the impossible. I think of those hours, of you in the bed...unresponsive. I wanted to tell you goodbye. To see you open your eyes one more time. To see me. I know we'd said everything there is to say...I just wanted to say and hear it one more time.

Just a couple of months before, you were in the hospital, faced with losing your leg and I was by your side. We got in this huge argument (you-by the way-were a terrible patient!) and I told you I'd go if you told me no, you wanted me to stay. The rest of the evening was tense but, as we were going to sleep, you told me you loved me and you were glad I was there. I told you I loved you right back and I was glad to be there. You beat the odds the next morning and kept your leg. And I went home that afternoon.

That moment defines so much about our relationship. So much hurt from the past. So much hard headed-ness on both sides. So many arguments. But always love. And no matter what, I am so glad you were my Dad. As in, if God gave me the choice to go back and make my choice, I'd choose you.

This year seems to have gone by so fast...and yet it sometimes seems to be even longer than a year. I still think "Dad would like this" or think "I need to call Dad" before remembering...I still think of you every time I see Diet Dr Pepper or a Budweiser sign. I don't always cry these days...but you always cross my mind. I think of your laugh and they way you said "Hey now..."

I think you'd be glad of how close Kristy and I have been. I think you'd be glad how close we are all to Aunt Penny. You'd be proud of her and-I hope-of us and the way we handled your passing.

I wish so many things...but I trust in a good God. And because I trust Him, I've let go of the "why?" and held on to the good, to the love. I'm going to miss you always.

Your "#1 gal"

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